Comic Book Movies. Ugh.

The first official, all shopped-up still from The Amazing Spider-Man looks ok. Some better. At least it's got more going for it than the crappy spy pictures that have been leaking off the set lately. The black webbing, as opposed to Toby McGuire's silver, is a step in the right direction but I'm starting to hate the "sporty" re-design. Especially the back of the thing, it might as well have a goddamn Nike swoosh across it for fuck's sake. Still...it couldn't be much worse than Spideman 3, hopefully we won't have to sit through another dance number.

It's starting to feel like the mid-90's all over again, where nobody in Hollywood gave two shits about sticking to the material that made a character great as long as they could sell some toys out of the deal. Joel Schumacher's Batman films being the worst offenders, but at least he owns it. If you're not familiar with the word "toyetic" check in around the 3:30 mark. So yeah. The industry is flooded with comics-based reboots, parodies, and a half-baked takes on some classic characters and I really couldn't give two shits about any of them except for one.

Surprisingly, the one character I never really cared much about in comics has the most going for him so far. Captain America looks like it's getting everything right. As a character he never really works for me outside of a World War II setting, luckily this is the setting for a good chunk of the film. Both versions of the costume are really practical for a military guy but faithful to the comics. Plus...there's something really satisfying about watching somebody beat the crap out of a bunch of Nazis. I can't wait to see Hugo Weaving as the Red Skull.


Other than that I just don't have much interest or faith in any of the upcoming comic-book movies. The thing that bugs me the most, and I can't stop coming back to it, is the costume and set designs. These should be no-brainers. There are decades worth of drawings to help insure that you get the iconic look of a character right. I know some things don't translate to flim, and you can't have everybody running around in their underoos, but why does every director think they have to reinvent the goddamn wheel all of the sudden?

Thor Just doesn't look like Thor. If you're gonna go with bearded Thor, you need to have a haggard ass, battle-worn, ass kicker of a guy not some abercrombie model. I can see what they're going for with the cape, but it comes across as cheap. Like Smallville cheap.

And Anthony Hopkins is all sorts of wrong for playing Odin. Don't get me wrong, he's a good actor. Don't go calling the movie police. He's just one of those Jack Nicholson type actors that plays one character really well and doesn't do much else. He's never a character, he's Anthony Hopkins. Plus....I can't stand the stick-on eyeptach. I know it's from the comics but it looks shitty. Smallville shitty. (I think that's gonna be my new rap name) 

I should be all sorts of crazy about Green Lantern, but no. Again, it comes down to design & casting. Everybody in the movie looks really fucking cool except Hal Jordan. I just don't buy that CGI costume & most of it has to do with the mask. It's too goddamn bright & it looks photoshopped on, because it is. I hate to give credit to Schumacher, but at least his bat-masks looked like they existed in the real world. Ryan Reynolds may surprise me but I'm not expecting a lot from him as Hal Jordan. He plays a great smart-ass, which would be perfect for Flash or even another GL like Kyle Rayner. Anybody except Hal Jordan. "I know, right!??"

X-Men: First Class looks prequely alright. That's all I've got. I completely lost interest in the X-Men when the geniuses at Fox let Brett Ratner simultaneously fuck up one of the best X-men stories ever written and kill off ALL the series' main characters. The Wolverine movie didn't help either. The casting for First Class doesn't bug me, not even the Kevin Bacon part. It's mostly my apathy that's the problem. I've just been mutant-ed to death. The only selling point for me is that Betty Draper runs around in not a lot of clothes, so it's got that going for it. At least a renter.

Ok then nerds, see you at the movies. 

Your pal,

Smallville Shitty