The Wookster & I have been busy havin a summah, hope you're busy doing the same. I don't expect a lot out of summer movies which is cool because I'm rarely disappointed. Every summer I lower my expectations and head out to enjoy the explosions, GCI eye candy, and inevitably get pissed off at the American moviegoing public because they can't shut their ignorant pieholes for 2 fucking hours so I can catually hear the movie I paid to watch. Here's a rundown of the moviefilms we've attended thusfar:
Green Lantern was fairly forgettable. The editing was all over the place, and the CG was dodgy about half the time. I understand this was because they had several different fx houses working on it, never a good idea. The biggest problem fx-wise was the costume. Half the time it looks amazing and half the time it looked like I got hammered and Photoshopped the costume on. As much time as they spend with the Green Lantern Corps, you don't see them do anything but stand around until the very end of the movie, and then it seems like a total afterthought.
[Spoilers] Parallax the angry yellow cloud was LAAAAAAME. Not quite as much of a cop-out as the generic Galactus Cloud from the FF movies, but pretty damn close. I liked the idea that he was a corrupted Guardian, but they never really went for it as far as that plot point was concerned. You're never given time to identify with the Guardians so the reveal isn't all that significant. The guardians come off as tiny blue assholes, they fact that Parallax is one them isn’t too much of a stretch.
Ryan Reynolds was surprisingly good though, he does as much as he can to carry the movie with the crappy script he’s given. Killowog was pretty badass. Sinestro was also badass except for the easter-egg silliness at the end, and by silliness I mean this really should have been a major part of the fucking movie! The yellow ring could have been the one thing that made the plot have some sort of impact. If Sinestro had made that choice and then revealed to be the "real villain" instead of Hector Hammond/Big Head Todd, this film would have rocked.
I don't have a lot to say about The Hangover Part II. It was doomed to be second best simply because the first film exists. There are some good laughs but it's the same exact movie in a different setting. Take the script from the first film, do a quick find & replace with the words Vegas & Bangkok, throw in some ladyboys and a smoking monkey for good measure, and you've got your sequel. If you're one of the 5 people on the planet who didn't see it in theaters you didn't miss much. Just watch your copy of the first one on video, you'll thank me later. Unless you like chicks with dicks, in which case you should totally see it. Your call bro, totally your call.
Pirates of the Caribbean 4 is a film where, for the most part, nobody gives a shit about anything as far as I understand it. Here goes:
Gore Verbinski didn't give a shit about directing this movie so another guy did it. Orlando Bloom and Kirea Knightly didn't give a shit about being in the movie at all. Jack Sparrow, as always, has lost his ship and wants to get it back. Barbosa sells out and joins the royal navy for no good reason. There's a Fountain of Youth somewhere so Blackbeard & Penelope Cruz want Jack to help them find it. Jack doesn't give a shit about ye olde fountain, he just wants his ship so he goes along with Blackbeard &Penelope Cruz because ..... I don't know. Jack and Penelope Cruz hooked up a long time ago but don't hook up this time around because they don't really give a shit about eachother. Oh and they can't find the fountain unless they kidnap a mermaid and make her cry.
Are you starting to see why people bailed on this movie before it got made? I stopped giving a shit about the ridiculous plot about 15 minutes in, nobody in the movie cared about how retarded the plot was so I wasn't going to either. The only person who cares about anything is an uber-religious guy who wants to bang a mermaid. What baffles me is this: in a movie full of all sorts of unsavory, pirate-y, criminal types why is it that only the bible-thumper guy wants to bang the mermaid? You'd figure the pirates would be kinkier than the goody goody dude. I'm pretty sure this is as far as you can take a series of films based on an amusement park ride. They had a good run with the first 3 films, but the overall level of give-a-shit was pretty low this time around.
X-Men: First Class surprised the hell out of me. I was dead set on hating this movie after the abomination that was X-Men 3. I still hate Brett Ratner though, just so you know. Brian Singer was involved to some extent so that explains the rise in quality over X3 and whatever the Wolverine movie was called. I'm still trying to forget about it.
The script for First Class was very loosely based on the comics, once I stopped caring about the accuracy of things I found it really entertaining. The casting was great for the most part. Kevin Bacon was was a surprisingly good villain. Hugh Jackman's cameo fucking killed me, one of the best Wolverine moments in the films or the comics really. If there's a downside to this movie it's January Jones. The lack of clothing just wasn't able to balance out the lack of acting for me. She really didn't even need to be in the story, which is sad because the White Queen is a really cool character. First Class wasn't the best comic book movie ever made but it was better than X3. So fuck you Brett Ratner!
Pirates of the Caribbean 4 is a film where, for the most part, nobody gives a shit about anything as far as I understand it. Here goes:
The script for First Class was very loosely based on the comics, once I stopped caring about the accuracy of things I found it really entertaining. The casting was great for the most part. Kevin Bacon was was a surprisingly good villain. Hugh Jackman's cameo fucking killed me, one of the best Wolverine moments in the films or the comics really. If there's a downside to this movie it's January Jones. The lack of clothing just wasn't able to balance out the lack of acting for me. She really didn't even need to be in the story, which is sad because the White Queen is a really cool character. First Class wasn't the best comic book movie ever made but it was better than X3. So fuck you Brett Ratner!
That's what we've been up to. Enjoy the rest of your Summah.
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